you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize