Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am one with the molecules
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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