just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
