I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
