Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
