hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
