Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
