last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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