I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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