but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
