i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
