Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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