i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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