And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
