Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
