I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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