You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
