talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
