I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
