you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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