I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
