I could have mohawked her pubes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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