I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
