Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
where am i from again
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
