I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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