Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
