Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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