Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
