did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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