dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i drank out of a bidet.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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