Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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