so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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