I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
