worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
