I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
