Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
