i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
