these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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