I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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