Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
