you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
