I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
