I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize