she was so not down for the gang bang
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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