First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
