The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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