3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
