I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
