My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
