she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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