cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Vodka?
Forever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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