Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
