I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
